just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize