I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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