My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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