Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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