I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
