yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
