he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize