Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize