So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
