we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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