yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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