meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
