I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
love makes seman taste better
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize