I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
