you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is Oprah even human
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
