I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
