Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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