Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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