When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
