and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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