Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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