just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
