OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
