how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
