i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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