i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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