i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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