I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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