Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
