he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found the puke drawer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
