I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
