You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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