I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize