Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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