But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so let's talk penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
