how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
