What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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