I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
