You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize