we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
