You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
