First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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