But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
