I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
