Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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