Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
