Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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