So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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