She is in my trunk
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
