Already got asked if we're dating
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
