he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
