I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You smell like stripper and shame
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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