bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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