I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
