just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
