great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm really busy with my period
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