My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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