It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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