Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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