she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
